Feeling a little blue

The past little while I have been feeling rather down and (dare I say it?) depressed. I stopped taking Celexa a while back (which had helped stabilize my mood at the time) and now I am only on Gabapentin. I'm wondering if our crazy Toronto weather this fall is a contributing factor to my gloominess.

I have also been taking some green tea pills for the past month or so to help with the weight I gained while trying all sorts of antidepressants. I gained about 40 pounds while I was taking Effexor (about a year ago) and I haven't been able to lose any of the weight. So I bought some green tea pills from the Carrot Common's Dispensary store with the hopes that it will help speed up my metabolism and give me more energy as it states on the bottle.

So far I still haven't lost any weight or gained any more energy. Although I have been having a lot of trouble sleeping the past couple of weeks. Not sure if it's because there's alot on my mind or if it's the extra caffeine in the green tea pills (I do take them in the morning and at lunch so the caffeine shouldn't be effecting me at 11:00 p.m. when I try to sleep, right?).

Anyways, I feel like lately I have been experiencing a bit more anxiety than usual, and considering the fact that I was feeling so much better on the Gabapentin I'm a bit concerned because things were starting to really move forward to me and I really, really don't want to take any more steps back. Things are going pretty well for me and I want to keep up that momentum. Any suggestions?

Anyways, I hope you have a very Happy Thanksgiving this weekend! Take it easy and eat lots and lots of turkey!

The past couple weeks...recap

I've been a bit of a blog slacker these past couple of weeks. My husband was really sick with brinchitis and we spent a lot of time going to see various doctors at walk-in clinics and even ended up in the ER as he reacted really badly to two of the antibiotics he was prescribed. Not fun! Oh yeah - my birthday fell in there somewhere but I spent it taking care of sickie over here. It was relaxing, nonetheless.

On Friday (after much encouragement from my therapist) I confronted my psychiatrist with some of the problems I have been experiencing while being a patient of his. I have to tell you, I was so anxious leading up to my appointment. I sat in the waiting room with my notebook writing, "It's okay to be anxious" over and over again. By the time he called me in to see him my anxiety had subsided a lot.

So I sat down with him and told him that I wanted to talk to him about something before we started. I told him that on his summary report of my progress that he sent to my LTD insurance company that he stated to them that I am still working part time (the stipulation of them granting me LTD payment was that I could not be working at all; he and I had discused this several times before so imagine my suprise when I received a call from my insurance company) and I told him yet again that I am not working at all. He claims that he thought I was working part time from home.

I used this to continue...I told him that it seems to be a pattern every time I see him that he asks me many of the same questions that I've previously answered, and that he doesn't seem to remember things from appointment to appointment, and that it hurts me and makes me think that he doesn't care about me. I told him that I feel like we don't have much of a relationship or rapport, and I feel that I just come in to get my prescription and leave and I need more from him as a medical professional.

He told me that he hopes he's not like this with all his patients and he doesn't feel like he has a good grasp on my case because mine is "unique" (in the fact that my "panic attacks" are generally only severe episodes of nausea, and that I had tried many SSRIs prior to seeing him but was at too low of a dosage that I wasn't able to have a proper trial run to see if they really worked or not). He also said that when I come into see him that I look and act like things are going just fine and that I'm not having a lot of trouble with my anxiety. I told him that's probably because I've put up a front for so long because I never wanted people to know what I was dealing with, that I've learned to "act" like that so people wouldn't think that there was anything wrong with me.

He also said that he's concerned with how long I've been off work (I've been home for a year now; have been not working at all since January). So I told him that despite this, I feel sometimes when I see him that my back's up against a wall and that I don't want to feel pressured to go back to work (although I have yet to tell him that I might be considering working somewhere else when the time comes to go back into the workforce).

Regarding prescribing Zoloft for me (which can cause weight gain) after he knew I had problems with gaining weight on Effexor, he admitted that he had forgotten and that most patients of his who gain weight on meds ask him if it can cause weight gain every time he prescribes something new. Not that it's my fault that I didn't mention something, but I did tell him that I thought it was the responsibility for the doctor to make a note of it and keep it top of mind.

In conclusion, he tells me that he's going to schedule longer sessions for us so we can go through things more thoroughly. He said he's also going to review my file more carefully before each appointment. He increased my dosage of Celexa and advised me to try and look for a CBT psychotherapist that specializes in panic disorders because he thinks that will help in addition to my current therapy. Although any of them that are covered through OHIP there is like a year-long weight. Any suggestions?

He also apologized for the way he's been treating me and appreciated my feedback. So, despite my hesitation it was worthwhile to tell him how I was feeling, and now I feel that I expended so much energy being anxious for nothing.

Here I am!

I've been procrastinating in posting my next blog. For no other reason than general laziness, I suppose. Although my husband has been out of town on business for a week so I've been spending a lot of time at my parents' house...another reason I haven't posted in a while. Anyhow, I apologize and am now here to fill you in on the last few days in my life.

So, I saw my psychiatrist on Monday and I swear to God I wanted to slap him! I went in and sat down (after he accidentally skipped me and saw the person who was scheduled to see him after me) and explained that I wanted to change my meds from Zoloft to something else because since I've been on Zoloft (about a month and a half) I've gained about 15 lbs. Now, previously I had told him that the reason I had to get off Effexor (before I started seeing him) was because it had made me gain so much weight. I couldn't stop eating. It made me hungry all the time to the point where if I felt hungry and didn't eat I would feel faint. So back to Monday. I tell him I need to switch meds and you know what he says to me?

"Oh...I guess if I had remembered about your issues with weight gain and it had been on the top of my mind I would have never prescribed Zoloft for you. Many people gain weight on Zoloft."

Now you might be thinking that it was an innocent mistake that he forgot this, or didn't check my file before giving me Zoloft, but it's not. Since I've been seeing him (about 8-9 months), every appointment I am forced to tell him my whole life story and medical history because he's forgotten and can't bother to take five minutes before our appointments to review my file. I am so frustrated! I want to try and see someone else but I don't like confrontation and I also don't know how long it will be before I can get in to see someone else.

Anyways, so I had him give me a new prescription and I am now on Celexa. I have a few friends that have said it has helped them, so I'm really keeping my fingers crossed. If any of my readers have has experiences with this medication I would love to hear about it. The other ironic thing is that I asked my psychiatrist about Celexa the last time I saw him because I had heard good things about it, and he told me that Celexa is his number one choice to prescribe to patients with depression but not with anxiety. He said that he likes to stick to medications that have had more studies done regarding anxiety. Fair enough...but why then would he recommend it so eagerly to me this time instead of trying something else like Prozac (which he mentioned to me before)?

Has anyone else had such a rotten experience with a psychiatrist or someone else in the medical profession who is suppose to help you?