I made it!

Well, I went to the engagement party last night and after fighting much anxiety and nausea caused by anxiety, I managed to make it through. Of course I always know I'm going to be able to do it (without throwing up too, mind you), but dealing with an anxiety disorder, these thoughts become magnified 1000 per cent and everything becomes so much more dramatic and I know a lot of people don't understand this, but it is very scary. Putting myself out there to socialize and mingle with 50 or so odd people, most of whom I've never met before, is really scary. It's true that some people without anxiety disorders may also find it scary, but for someone who fears about going to events like this or being in social situations due to a fear of vomiting in public, this sensation is severely heightened.

I have never actually vomited in public, mind you, except for one time in a restaurant when I was about 10 years old, but that single experience had stayed with me until now - almost 18 years later - and it's still so hard for me to go into a restaurant and eat. And since being diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, nausea has become a big part of my symptoms and the reason I avoid so many things, like public transportation, malls, and standing in lines. For a long time I was afraid to shop in grocery stores...but I don't want anxiety to control me and I'm trying to cope with it the best I can. I'm trying to put myself out there and go to my edge. It is so hard and it's taking so long. I am lucky because I have a great support system in my husband, best friend and her fiance and family, but I know my anxiety has been hard on them too, and not being able to fully understand what I'm going through is tough, but I thank my lucky stars that they are in my life because I'm afraid that I would be much worse off if they weren't.